not sure about today.

let's see...going on what feels like 2 hours of sleep. i'm probably going to throw both of my cats outside today.

reasons for committing this crime:
chuck: well. where to begin. he's ruined my blinds. his poop smells worse than a human's. and he wakes me up at the crack of dawn every morning. and it pisses me off because it's making me tired and paul doesn't want to stay around for stupid cat meowing either. thanks chuck. i rescue you and you turn out to be a big jerk.

mothership: it's really just wrong place, wrong time with poor mothership. after blasting chuck at point blank range with my heavy duty squirt bottle, i was kinda on edge. so i sat down at my computer to play some solitaire or get on fb or something. and homeboy decides he's just gonna bypass my lap and jump straight up on the computer desk. bad choice. so i shot him with the squirt bottle too.

not to mention, all of this is going on while poor paul is trying to sleep after a horrible night's sleep...and he has to work (all day, probably, since he's on call.)

this is nothing. this is really nothing to get upset about. especially nothing to blog about. but if there's one thing i learned in college, it's subtext.

i'm honestly just downright heartbroken. i need to know that my father knew that i loved him dearly and unconditionally. and, from our last communication before he died (which was a letter i sent to him a year prior to his death), it was probably unclear whether i still loved him or not. and that's my fault. i didn't communicate my point properly.

but i'm hoping against hope that there's an unwritten rule book in life. and on page 222, there is a rule written (or unwritten) that, no matter what is said or done, daughters will always know their fathers love them, and fathers will always know their daughters love them. and that in their last moments (together or apart), whoever draws their last breath, it is written that they will be thinking fondly about their unconditional love for one another and will save their last heartbeat just for them. and both souls, on earth and heaven, will rest peacefully knowing their love.

that's what i hope for. that's what i'm going to tell myself today. and hopefully i'll tell myself that tomorrow too.

maybe i won't throw the cats out just yet.