sleep to dream.

i was in a renovated barn somewhere in europe. i think it began in england. it was a beautiful barn with old beds and old floors. i was lost but i didn't mind. it was a peaceful, sort of musing type of wandering. i saw golden sunlight, that time of day when the sunlight isn't so blinding but more saturating.

the rays twinkled off of the buttons on his military uniform and danced in the notes that drifted from the violin he was playing. i had no idea he was such a talented musician. perhaps that's where i got my love for stringed instruments. he gave me his nose and his toes, why not?

that moment didn't last long. you know how dreams go...the barn morphed into a trailer on robin road and he was gone.

i was eventually driving a car through a sand pit. to my left, a wall of sand. to my right, a massive crevice. the sand was unsteady and i began to slide into the crevice. i could feel the panic paralyzing my body. there was nothing i could do. an 18-wheeler came directly for me and as soon as i thought it would smash me further into it, it suddenly drove down into the pit and nudged my car to safety. i jumped out of my car to thank this very talented truck driver. when i reached up and pulled open the passenger's side door, my father, dressed in stereotypical trucker garb, smiled down at me. all i could do was weep.

i don't know what he's doing, showing up in my dreams like this. it's almost like he's giving me a second chance to experience his love for me. but when i wake up, my heart feels heavy with sadness and i want nothing more than to go back to this dream world where my daddy plays music for me and saves me from impending doom. he was in the military but i don't know if he ever actually did play the violin and, as far as i know, he was never a truck driver. but his face is still the same in each one of these costumes. smiling, loving, and at peace.